“I don’t know who needs to read this……”

The “first article pressure” is profound. One has to really kick off with a splash right? Have a deep theme with a pivotal life lesson that ties everything together with links for more resources? Well, I think I am going to go with the band-aid approach. Rip it off and get it out there so one can incorporate writing into their life and daily routine. Thank you, Next.

I’m in my thirties but unapologetically love TikTok — hence the title. I believe that title will be the theme to my writing; put something out there that is vulnerable without being too dark, discuss issues uncomfortable and not ideal but enough to be relatable. I am someone that spends a lot of time thinking about mental health. I’m a sensitive cancer who 100% overthinks. I’ve been in some sort of therapy for two decades now, most recently DBT couched into substance-abuse issues. If just one other person can say “me too” (no, not in the misogynist male way, but the empathetic shared human experience way!) by something I write, I feel that is enough to me. I hope to sprinkle in some humor to make it worth your while and to feel like you’re not watching Manchester by the Sea all over again. Good grief, Casey Affleck, there must be some sort of support group!

Today is my first day “joining the 5am club” and writing with coffee is how I’ve decided to welcome this absolute ELITE hour of solitude (Deep Sarcasm emphasis mine). Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely abhor the productivity cult, pretty much anything tech-bro, and want to throw my mouse into my computer monitor anytime someone goes off about “bio-hacking.” (I laughed when Medium suggested I add an image to make this more inviting — Google Image of biohacking was absolute gold). All of that “get after it relentlessly everyday!” and “work on your side-hustle when you finish your workday!” stuff intimidates the hell out of me. You’ll find me in bed reading at 8pm. Most times, I find sleep as the most productive use of my time. I saw a twitter thread in which all of these crypto/VC/tech types joining the chorus about how drinking is so not worth it because it gets in the way of your dreams and it kind of crushed me. Of course they are likely right, but take it easy. My writing is going to be less majestic mountain-peak landscape with a dark black border that says some sort of inspirational “MOTIVATION” message underneath, and more about how we can pick ourselves up from the path to these dreams going astray. I feel that is the lesson a lot of these young twenty types with their blue checkmarks and laser-eyes spouting off on Twitter have yet to encounter. Getting fired, or publicly embarrassed, or having life throw you some sort of traumatic curveball that always seems to come in your early thirties. Absolutely good for them for hopefully steering clear of this, but for the rest of us, we need support and community.

I hope to share some fun tidbits about how I get through the day to day and ways that I am working on, or trying to explore to change, or to add spice to my boring existence (writing! Not drinking!). I will likely be all over the map trying to chase this so-called elusive productivity pipe dream, from meditation (someone please help me have the patience to get better at this!) to personal finance, to me trying to instill some sort of humanity into the hedge fund world. Spoiler alert — a hedge fund is the only one that would employ me after an employment lawsuit debacle at my previous firm that left me in tatters. I have to commute two states away for work and have an unbelievable amount of alone time. Spoiler alert — enter drinking and/or me trying to exit drinking. So, in closing, I hope you will be an audience in helping me fill some of this alone time and maybe we can learn from one another. Instead of biohacking it will be “successfully getting-by and add a little meaning and purpose hacking.” No intermittent-fasting or keto, more volunteering and getting outside our own heads.

Peace and much love, Brett